According to Wikipedia, Rembo & Rembo was an absurdist Dutch TV show for kids written by Theo Wesselo and Maxim Hartman that aired from 1987 to 1995. In casual conversation with Dutch folks, bits of sketches from Rembo & Rembo are often quoted or alluded to. I was lucky enough to attend a Rembo & Rembo themed-party once with one of the two guys, I don’t remember which one, and was probably the only non-Dutch person there. People were dressed up like the characters in their sketches, including about six carpenters, which is why I’d like to share this beloved Rembo & Rembo sketch with you and my English translation below the video.

Recently I had to get a carpenter (‘timmerman’, ‘timmervouw’ if it’s a woman) and this sketch was the first thing that popped into my head. Funny enough, the ‘timmerman’ was called Tim.

Here’s what old school Dutch humour looks and sounds like.

Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!

Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!

(Background: Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!)

Carpenter: Yes, hello!
Man: I’m here for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: No, no, no, I’m not here today, tomorrow I’ll be in. OK? Tomorrow.
Man: Oh… Bye!
Carpenter: Bye!

(sign says ‘Carpenter’)

Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!

Carpenter: Yes, hello!
Man: I’m here for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: Sorry, I got it wrong, I’m not here today either. Tomorrow I’ll be here for sure, tomorrow for sure.
Man: Oh…
Carpenter: Bye!

Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!

Man: Hello, I was here yesterday already for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: Hey, that’s great, fantastic! Come in! You can start right away!

Carpenter: Come over here and I’ll show you how to hammer. This is a hammer, this is a nail. Head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in.
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Yes? One more time: Hammer, nail, head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in. Yes? Do you understand or should I do it again?
Man: If you could show me once more…
Carpenter: OK, what is this?
Man: A nail.
Carpenter: This is a hammer!
Man: Ah yes, the hammer of course.
Carpenter: And what’s this again?
Man: That’s the hammer then.
Carpenter: This is the nail, yes?
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in, yes?
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Try it yourself, OK?
Man: OK.
Carpenter: I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be back.

Man: Head up, nail, point down, hammer, a piece of wood: Ting, ting… Hey! This one has the head facing down!
Carpenter: Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, man? Why are you throwing out the nail?
Man: It’s no good, the head is facing down and the point is facing up!
Carpenter: You’ll also find these types of nails as well, but you’re not supposed to throw them out!
Man: Oh no?
Carpenter: No! You need to save them for ceilings!
Man: Sorry.
Carpenter: No worries. If you’re here at 7 am tomorrow, you can start right away.
Man: OK. And how much can I earn?
Carpenter: 2,50 [guilders, 1,34 euro] an hour, but it will be more later.
Man: OK, then I’ll come later.
Carpenter: OK.

The funny parts: The ting ting ting is a classic. The carpenter keeps looking left and right when he opens the door possibly because he hires people and underpays them or is just plain dodgy. The nails for ceilings is also a classic.

(Image: wikipedia.org)