Eurovision is the fast food of music. I don’t even understand how non-Europeans can get into this exclusive club, unless they pull strings like French Canadian Céline Dion did to sing and win for FranceSwitzerland in 1988 or lobby very hard like Israel did to be able to participate. Maybe that’s why I like this strain of gossip.

Although The Netherlands won the Junior Eurovision 2009 and apparently are able to put on a show non-Dutch people like in Dutch rather than English (or Dunglish), the adult version has been digging its own grave and may have hit China already.

Pierre Kartner (aka Vader Abraham) who is a international song writer and singer wrote this year’s song ‘Ik ben verliefd’ (Sha la lie) (I’m in love Sha la lie) and is being dumped on by the bucketful. The song sounds like it was written eons ago when the Dutch had no knowledge of the outside world, while the subject matter is the safest choice imaginable. The video above is a demo version and will be sung by many different artists.

To make criticizing him easier — and the detail has been corrected — Kartner wrote about the city of ‘Leningrad’, Russia which is now called St Petersburg. Kartner changed the problematic lyric and turned it into Moscow, which I’m sure was not politically motivated and tickles my Russian heritage.

The Netherlands hasn’t made the finals in five years going on six and their last win dates back to 1975, and before that 1969 when only a few countries ran the show. The Dutch often say they should just stop, but I say if Finnish heavy metal can win, the Dutch can surely get back into the saddle somehow.

So let’s go back even further, 1957, and listen to Teddy Scholten sing ‘Een beetje’ (A little bit) about being ‘a little bit’ in love, the Eurovision Song Contest winner of that year and ponder where did it go wrong. Teddy Scholten even sang a French version of the same song.